My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
