How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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