I got chris browned last night
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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