i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
