Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Four minutes until I can fart!
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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