from now on my penis is your penis
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
