Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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