He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Don't EVER smell your tampon
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
