**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
