I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
