we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
