I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
