You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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