My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
