Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
