quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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