i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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