I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
