I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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