I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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