I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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