i think my tv is drunk
Duck Duck Cougar?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Couch. On fire.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
