Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
