I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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