I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
