I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
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I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
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Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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