Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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