id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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