life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
