32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
