I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
