That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
You are the jesus of drinking
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
