So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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