was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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