You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
She announced her abortion via fbk
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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