I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
The beers last night were like the tears from god
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I will be naked everywhere
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
