White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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