If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
