the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
