...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
