i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
i think im in europe. pls send help
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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