He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
time to smoke my breakfast
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
