maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
