All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
