So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
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