Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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