its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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