Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
