Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
