I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
