Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
