I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
