My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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