I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
