shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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