my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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