how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
