dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
