i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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