I accidentally had phone sex last night
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
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I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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