it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
