The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
