I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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