Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
