Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
