i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
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she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
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Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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