I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
