you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
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He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
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On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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