So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
