omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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