I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
