Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
