then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
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Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
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The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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