You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
