Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
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Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
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Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
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