does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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