The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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